Rex: [00:00:00] This podcast contains potentially sensitive topics, including strong language. Listener discretion is advised. There is also a passing reference to suicide. If you yourself are struggling with suicidal thoughts, we want you to know you're not alone. Dial or SMS 988 if you need to speak to someone.

Henry: What we have isn't what defines us, and I don't know how to convince other people of that.

I guess how I see individuals and people is definitely not by what they own. I don't think it shows any value in a person. We can see it really blatantly obvious with like, some of the wealthiest people in the world are completely corrupt people. So it's not like the stuff isn't making them better. The quality of like a human being or what I value in human beings doesn't have anything to do [00:01:00] with their successes or their failures or anything.

It's like we're humans and we're right here in this moment together.

Rex: I'm Rex Holbein and welcome to You Know Me Now, a podcast conversation that strives to amplify the unheard voices in our community, as well as the individuals and organizations that are in service to those in need. In these episodes, I want to remind all of our listeners that the folks who share here do so with a great deal of courage and vulnerability.

They share a common hope that by giving all of us this window into their world, they're opening an increased level of awareness. Understanding, and perhaps most importantly, a connection within our own community.

Today,

I have the absolute pleasure of talking with my friend Ryan Henry Ward. Now, if you live in Seattle, [00:02:00] and you don't know Ryan, there is a good chance, though, that you do know his artful murals seen all over town. Ryan's murals, which are signed simply Henry, have the power to bring out a smile, even on the grayest days.

The scenes of his characters and the quiet story being told leave you with a good feeling about living here in Seattle. Now, that alone would be reason for me to sit down with Ryan and share a good conversation, but there is something more that you're going to want to hear. His views on community, specifically around the issue of homelessness, are beautiful.

Ones that are grounded in his own personal journey of finding himself through his art for people that don't know you I mean, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna say it is that you've you've become a thing in Seattle I would say if you took a hundred people out of an office building and said, you know, the Henry murals I'd say [00:03:00] 75 percent of them at this point.

Yeah anymore. Yeah, we know your work, right but That's been a process for you. It has. Yeah, that's been a journey. Yeah to get to get here and you know It feels like you're you're really you're kind of at the doorstep of of that whole world Exploding. Yeah, I don't know if that's how you feel as well, but it watching it from you know from outside It feels like you keep showing up in more places, right?

But can you talk a little bit about how this all began, I mean, maybe start from, from early on, you know, like for instance, I don't even know, did you grow up here?

Henry: I did not. I grew up just outside of Bozeman, Montana. I lived on a farm that was close to other, the other houses close by were other family members.

So my grandparents lived up the road, my aunt and uncle lived within walking distance. Um, the closest neighbors beyond that were probably like a quarter mile away. All gravel roads. Um, sounds idyllic actually. It really, [00:04:00] uh, had its positives. Yeah. My parents were super young. Um, so they had my older brother when they were 18 and 19 and then they had me when they were 19 and 20.

Um, and then they had another, uh, my, my younger brother five years later. So they were just, school when they had me. When I look back at childhood it was mostly an enjoyable experience for me. I was, uh, more of a contemplative, passive, uh, personality type as a child. I guess I was funny and mellow, was like how, uh, my, uh, family has explained how I presented as a, um, child.

We moved to Washington when I was 10 and we lived in Yakima and then Kent and then eventually Enumclaw by the time I was 12. So we moved, moved around a bit. My parents were looking for work. [00:05:00] Montana economy wasn't doing good and they were on the lower end of it because they'd You know, didn't have, uh, education, like higher education.

Uh, my dad was a welder and, um,

Rex: my mom was a waitress. Was there an artistic, uh, streak that ran through one of them or both?

Henry: I think

Rex: both,

Henry: like, uh, my dad was an inventor. So he was, like, really into inventing things. Um, The thing that really took off of his inventions was, uh, the bear proof, uh, dumpster. And so my dad invented the bear proof dumpster when he was young, he just did it for, I believe Yellowstone national park or something, the park service.

And he never got it. Um, you know, patented or anything, he was just a well, he had a weld shop and they were like, this is what we need. And he just figured it out and built it. And now it's like everywhere. Wow. Good job, dad. Yeah. So, yeah. So Don Ward invented the bear proof. Yeah. [00:06:00]

Rex: But what you're saying is that that inventive is a sister to creativity, right?

Yeah.

Henry: He was very creative. Like he had like invented a wheelchair that like, Could go upstairs and downstairs. And I remember as a child seeing like him bringing out these blueprints and showing these different inventions. And he was like, you know, in his mid twenties or something like that, and trying to figure out how to like make it, you know, like he, he always has a big dreamer.

And then my mom was really artistic and you know, she, she knitted a lot and she was constantly making things and we didn't like. Have a lot of money, uh, so we didn't have like all the toys that everybody had and this and that. So we were kind of left to like make our own. We had to be creative to have fun, you know?

Yeah. So it was just a different, like, different way of being raised, I guess. Yeah, that's beautiful. Necessity, kind of.

Rex: Yep. Boy, if we could be in that world still.

Yeah,

yeah. [00:07:00] Ryan was on his artful path very early on in his life. He remembers being inspired by the works of Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss, and Maurice Sendak.

In addition to these influences, Ryan was also encouraged by his family to be original, to create his own thing.

Henry: I started developing as an artist, I think, at a young, pretty young age. I really had a direction as a very young person to create. Create a unique style. My, uh, grandfather encouraged me and my, um, parents encouraged me to like push uniqueness, um, with my stuff.

They saw that I was a compulsive artist and there was just art coming out of me constantly. And there, there was a little guidance there. Like, um, Hey, if you want to like. make a living at this, you're going to have to think of a way to do it. That's different than everybody else. And, um, I noticed like through grade school, [00:08:00] all the other cartoon artists were really into copying Garfield or the Simpsons or something like that.

And I was really trying to break those patterns. Um, so I was creating something. Um, a unique style at a very young age and you saved those drawings. Is it, um, there's a few, there's some stuff that my mom has, you know, um, I was, I think when I was in fifth grade, when I was in fifth grade, I did a, I won a t shirt competition in grade school.

Um, so that might be one that's like more on record. kind of a unique

Rex: cartoon. It's always fun, you know, especially as you get older to, to look at the through line. Yeah. Like when things like, Whoa, I actually look at, I was in the fifth grade and that's even got a hint of

Henry: what I'm doing today. Yeah. And then I was getting a lot of like feedback, you know, up until like junior high and high school that was like, No matter what you do, we can tell it's yours.

No matter what you attempt to draw, like we can [00:09:00] tell that's your style. So

Rex: that's validating. Yeah.

Henry: There was a validation of like, I did have something unique.

Rex: So you, you move around. Um, you end up in, what was the last place, Enumclaw?

Henry: Yeah. And then when I get to Enumclaw, I, I hit a very strong cultural aversion to new people.

Um, you were, you were 12. Yeah. So sixth grade I moved to Enumclaw and that was the first place I moved where I got bullied really hard. I. Kind of gravitated towards, um, some situations that got me into trouble because those are the only people that would accept me or people that were into shoplifting or something like that, you know, I started getting into trouble a lot more when, after we moved there and, uh, had a really like hard time with my own family.

Uh, you know, as a teenager, I ended up moving out of my

Rex: parents house when I was 16. How do you explain [00:10:00] that? Is that just you trying to find your identity or, you know, the bullying and the wrong crowd pulled you in that direction? I

Henry: think it's just like a combination of things. Like I think that, um, I just.

I really had a need to fit in and I wasn't fitting in. And so I gravitated towards who I fit in with. So in a way it's good because like that culture in that town did, um, have a problem with like that bully mentality. Like if you don't fit in, you're not. A member of this community. And, um, and I think that's been really good for me because like I, um, protest that it with my whole life energy.

And if I didn't have that experience, I don't know if I would, you know, and I think it's really good to protest that life

Rex: feel the wrong and the hurt. And yeah,

Henry: like I really believe in inclusion and it partially [00:11:00] would be because I didn't feel included and the people who I did feel included with, um, over time, uh, were other people that didn't feel included.

And so I was part of this like community of people in that town that were like, maybe the outcasts, you know, maybe misfits. Yeah. Yeah. People of color, people of color. Homosexuals, uh, new kids, people that were different, you know, that weren't of that, like, stereotypical, like,

Rex: uh, thing. Yep. You know, it's, I could be, I could be missing the mark here, but, like, when you describe that just now, I think of the characters that you paint.

Henry: Yeah.

Rex: Right? Like, they are, in my, in my interpretation of it, they're a cast of Misfit characters. Right. Do you, do you make that connection yourself or is that, I,

Henry: yeah, I do. I often try to like, put different characters together that normally maybe wouldn't be, there's [00:12:00] a, uh, a mural down on Third and Cedar that is on a homeless shelter for kids, and that one is specifically like showing that, um, that we're, we are different and we're still friends.

You know, and that's kind of like, I think one of the like, uh, motifs of my work is like, we are a bunch of creatures that don't look or act

Rex: alike, but we're a community, you know, and I think it's a little bit of a Houdini act because you do all that. These misfits. These characters are not fitting in and yet the reaction is smiling.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, like that's That's pretty pretty wonderful.

Henry: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's coming from love, you know, that's like my main like my main motivation behind my artwork is affection love and kindness [00:13:00] To everybody, you know, I think that is like really a, um, a voice that I try to like

Rex: emanate. At 16 years old, Ryan and his parents were not seeing eye to eye.

Things came to a head and he made the decision to move out.

Henry: Yeah, we just had some difference, difference of opinions of like, uh, I, at the time it was like who I was dating and they didn't want me to be dating this person. And I said, you're going to have to move out if you don't break up with her. And I said, okay, I'm moving out.

And, uh, I had a job and I had my own car and I was like.

Rex: See you later. Over the next several years, Ryan lived on his own. He worked, experimented with drugs and managed to stay housed. The one real constant was his need to paint and create art. Were you painting during a good deal of that time? I think I just

Henry: always painted.

Yeah, I've always been making art. That's been like the one consistent thread through [00:14:00] all of it, through all of my ups and downs and problems. That's just something that started happening when I was very young, and it's a compulsive output of artwork. And that's just never, the breaks have never been on with that.

I mean, even in the wildest, craziest, hardest times of my life, I was still making art. Still reaching for a pain breath. Still making art. Yeah. Yeah. It just

Rex: has to come out of

Henry: me. Yeah.

Rex: When Ryan was 19 years old, he had a major life crisis and returned home to live with his parents.

Henry: My parents are good people.

They really are good people. Uh, I've, I've been super blessed with that. So like, you know, I had my time of like, You know, my middle finger up and I'm out and don't talk to me. I got my own thing going to like, um, hit crisis mode. Now I'm living with them and then they're care providing for me.

Rex: Um, do you want to share at all about some of those experiences, like what the crisis was

Henry: or?

I, I think so. Yeah. Like the, [00:15:00] for that first crisis when I was 19 was I just took too much acid one night, so I took too much LSD. I took like 17 hits. Um, and I was kind of experiencing at that time some depression and, um, I was, uh, living in Bellingham and I was drinking a lot and things weren't working the way I envisioned them to work, um, in my life.

And then I just kind of like went off the deep end and then I ended up in the mental hospital and then I was still like pretty mentally disabled for a good six weeks. I was in the mental hospital and six weeks after the mental hospital. So I had to like move back in with my parents and they had to help me get dressed.

They had to make sure I didn't wander out in the street. I was like, uh, I took a big hit. Yeah. And from that point really kind of like decided that my family was really important to me. And then it wasn't like I [00:16:00] changed my life completely and. And all that, I still had a lot of, like, things I needed to work through, but, like, that priority has been there since then.

Rex: Ryan's early years of not fitting in, which included being bullied, was balanced by the open arms of his parents. All of these experiences seem to have found a way into his art and his continued search for meaning. What comes through is his love of people, a deep desire for all of us to take care of each other.

Henry: I guess I just have these big questions of, like, why am I on a ball of dirt flying through space, you know? What's going on? You know, this, uh, these existential kind of questions of, like, why do we exist? Um, and I don't have the answers for any of it, really. I don't know. I have no idea, but I do know, like, what makes me feel good.

You know, there's certain things that feel good and also give you, like, longer term rewards [00:17:00] of feeling better down the road, too. Doing heroin feels good, but that doesn't continue it. The continuation of that feeling isn't, uh, isn't good sustainable is less sustainable, but you know, like being in community and, um, and loving people feels good.

And then you get rewarded more longer term. Like, I think we're all here to like, to feel good, you know, like that's kind of our like main motivation in life is to feel good, but there's really healthy ways to feel good. And, um, and that sounds super selfish and it might be, but like, you know, I think I like genuinely want to love people so I can feel good.

So I can continue this, like sense of being on this planet that like, isn't, um, just, A doomsday experience

Rex: or without meaning, I'll share one quick [00:18:00] thing for me that happened. I, I mean, I've, I've, for whatever reason, I've always been happy my entire life. Mom that probably hugged and kissed me too much, that kind of stuff.

Yeah. And so, uh, having my architecture firm, you know, like happy, happy, happy, happy. And then I start to meet a lot of people that are homeless and, and then got engaged in community. Right. And for the first time in my life, my happiness had meaning. And before it was just happiness. Right. It didn't, it wasn't grounded in any meaning.

Right. And I, and I think when I hear you talk about it, I feel like there's something similar there with. Like, not just doing something because it makes you feel good now, but also because it's, it's adding layers to who you are and yeah, is that,

Henry: yeah, and I've just never, like, I've never had aversion to homeless people, like for whatever, it might even be the way I was raised.

Like my parents were really active with getting us, um, involved in like community [00:19:00] service stuff. Like we did a lot of stuff. They were, I was raised Catholic and they, yeah. Um, you know, we were working in soup kitchens and we were doing stuff with, uh, populations of people that were vulnerable, you know, and so I never built that resistance towards a homeless person.

When I was a teenager, I would drive into Seattle from Enumclaw with my friends and we'd, um, we might just be out. you know, walking around smoking pot and, you know, drinking beer or something. And, um, but we'd just like hang out with homeless people like that was just be like, Hey, what are you doing? You know, and just have conversations.

So it was like this like thing that was never, I never saw them as the other, you know, I didn't see them as people that. necessarily needed anything from me. I just like, Hey, you're right there. I'm right here. What's up? You know, what's going on? You know, and I heard so many stories. I remember hearing this story [00:20:00] when I was like 16 I drove into Seattle with my friend Charlie and we were going to a concert and we got to Seattle early and we were hanging out with this Homeless guy down near Pike place.

And he was telling us how he got addicted to crack and that he was a basketball player for, uh, Montana state university. And they were, the whole team was doing a bunch of cocaine. And then eventually he got in trouble by, you got some felony and then he had to like dodge society. And then he just like kept on doing like.

Coke and then he couldn't afford it and he got into smoking crack and he doesn't want to plug back into the system because He doesn't want to go to prison. You know, it's just like whoa, you have a complex life Yeah, you know, holy smokes

Rex: dude. Did you experience homelessness at any point?

Henry: Yeah, so so when I first like Started my art career.

I Just a year before got this like severe back injury So I got, like, injured on, in a [00:21:00] four wheeler accident and, um, messed my spine up pretty bad.

Rex: And how old were

Henry: you? Thirty one. Okay. During that accident. I I wasn't really able to hold down a job. I was struggling with just managing my pain. Um, I couldn't stand or sit for a very long period of time.

You have to be able to stand or sit to be able to have work. I didn't want to go on Social Security Disability. And I, I knew I could with my x rays and all this stuff. I could definitely have gone down that path and figured it out. But I was 31, and I was like, I want to like, really make my way in this world.

And so I decided at that point to like, push my art career. And so how I did that, and I didn't have any money because I couldn't work. I, uh, Moved into a truck and camper. I bought a truck for 300 bucks and then a friend gave me a camper and then I went and parked it down at, uh, Gasworks Park, close to Gasworks.

And back [00:22:00] in 2008, that was just, you could just do that and leave it parked there for a year at a time and not get bothered.

Rex: Yeah. The, the issue of homelessness hadn't crested into the neighborhoods yet. Right. Yeah. People weren't, yeah, people weren't on guard.

Henry: It wasn't a problem. It

Rex: wasn't a problem.

Henry: Yeah.

Yeah. So I was living in this truck and camper, started my art career, got my stuff into an art gallery, started painting murals and my substance abuse level was really high at that point. I was on. A tremendous amount of painkillers, I think 60 milligrams of morphine a day from a doctor and it was called opiate therapy.

He's like, we're going to get you up and moving. And so he got me up and moving and that's how I started painting the murals was I had a severe injury and was painting murals and he encouraged it. He's like, if you can use your body, use your body. And this is like lightweight work. You should do this. Um, and then eventually we're going to get you off of this, these opiates.

Wow. Is that,

Rex: is that [00:23:00] radical? Advice or like, I've never heard that before, right? Like, or is that just mainstream and I've missed it? I think it was

Henry: mainstream at the time. I mean, we had a serious opiate crisis where they were dishing these things out to everybody, right? Yeah. Like popsicles. So that was the time, like that 2008 window was that like major crisis mode where, Oh, you have an injury.

Here's a bunch of opiates, you know, and I wasn't on Oxycontin. He thought that morphine was safer because it didn't have all the stuff in it. But it's the same thing. And then I, I did a year of painting murals. I did 35 murals in the city and then I cold turkeyed off of the morphine. And then I went into a psychosis and I ended up in the mental hospital.

So I spent six weeks in the mental hospital and then back to my parents house for a little while. And then I bought another van because my truck and camper had been towed at this point. I bought another van and I moved into that. [00:24:00] And then, um, I started using heroin at that point because I couldn't, I didn't want to go to the doctor and try to get back after my psychosis.

I knew they wouldn't like put, uh, prescribe me medication. And the heroin again

Rex: because of the

Henry: pain? Because of the pain and just also because I liked it. It was either, uh, a lot of alcohol or a lot of opiates. And so I was kind of going back and forth with alcohol and opiates to kind of do pain management.

But to be honest, I was a drug addict at this point. And so I enjoyed doing drugs. I wanted to do drugs. I was motivated to do them and eventually sold my van for, uh, heroin. And I was just living out of a backpack for quite a while, quite a while, meaning like a year. Yeah. Just

Rex: living. Backpack that had your paint supplies and.

Yep. Yeah. And sleeping in doorways or under, in, you had a tent or. [00:25:00] No,

Henry: I didn't use a tent. I mostly was in bushes and doorways and stuff like that. Yeah. I had a friend that was also in a similar situation and we just kind of rolled around and we had dogs and backpacks. Somehow in my brain the whole time I had this like romantic ideology of like Henry David Thoreau and Jack Kerouac and I was a big reader so I had these like metaphors in my head that were making it work for me.

You were rationalizing

Rex: it.

Henry: I was rationalizing it, yeah. I was having really bad health problems. I got the shingles. I got, uh, all these stress related kind of problems that would occur. And, um, and I was, I was becoming a pretty well known artist. Like, I was on TV and the newspapers. And I was being interviewed for TV stuff when I was completely homeless.

And I'd go to Fred Meyer and steal some clothes, spruce up and um, and then go, you know, like go meet Q 13 at one of my mural sites and get filmed or whatever and [00:26:00] do an interview. And then, you know, um, yeah, head back to the bushes, head back to the bushes. Yeah. And, uh, that's

Rex: crazy, right? And it's, it's really, and, and, You know, it's a pretty steep downhill that sucks people, you know, into a hole and, and, and a good deal of number of people don't pull themselves back out of that hole.

How, how did you just, I know you've already talked a little about this drive to want to express yourself and, and produce.

Yeah.

Do you think, well, how is it that you were able to go through all of that? Still, I mean, you're selling your van for heroin, but you're still able to kind of continue working, hold it together.

Yeah.

Henry: I mean, my second year I had 70 murals, my third year I had over a hundred and no one had like. No one in Seattle had done, I don't know, more than 20 murals or something, and I had like a hundred and like, so I was getting all this press [00:27:00] attention. I had done something that no one had done and I was, I was a compulsive artist and I found a medium that really like people were digging.

And so I just kind of continued on with it and it wasn't like, It never was the thing that was the problem, you know, like there was my life was a mess, but I could still,

Rex: that's what you could show

Henry: up and get some mural work done. Yeah. And I don't know, you know, maybe being homeless and being living that close to the earth in a way.

Like helped that, you know, I wasn't like all I had to do was score drugs and paint murals Like I wasn't like I didn't have any other things in my life. I didn't have a relationship You know, I didn't have a significant other. I didn't have kids. I didn't have anything but this like This drive and I just had to keep myself doctored up.

So I had these two things I was doing, which was like making sure I didn't get dope sick and, uh, continuing this like obsession to paint murals. And like the, there [00:28:00] was like a door opened up for me that allowed me to do this, this work. And I, I, I, I was smart enough to know not to turn that down. It was like my saving grace, really.

Rex: Yeah. Now, one thing that. I've come to know is that homelessness is a full time job.

Henry: It is,

Rex: yeah. You know, getting food, getting, getting around town to the services, getting to a place where you can shower, do laundry. I mean, It's not like you were just doing drugs and painting. Like that's true. You did have other human needs.

Henry: Yeah. And it is a lot of work. It is a lot of work to be homeless. Like, yeah. Um, yeah. Figuring out your resources. And, um, I had, uh, I was really fortunate to have a friend that. It was a really into dumpster diving and he showed me the best dumpsters in town. And I really ate out of those a lot. Like there was like a good bread dumpster.

There was a naked juice dumpster. There was like, I had access to [00:29:00] these, like the best spots. I didn't have to hunt for him because a good friend of mine had like, he had the map. The essential bakery had the best bread dumpster in the history of bread dumpsters, the naked juice dumpster down in Soto, there was a certain time of the week.

It was like a Tuesday at five or something. They would, a cold truck would come in and, and fill the dumpster up and all the stuff was still iced and cold. And you just, if you showed up then

Rex: you

Henry: could just get a ton of it.

Rex: And

Henry: so I was even supplying, yeah, People that had homes with like resources, I was bringing bread and juices and all this stuff over to people with homes.

And then they were letting me shower and hang out cause I was bringing provisions, you know?

Rex: So when did that obviously come to a stop, right? Cause you're not dumpster diving anymore.

Henry: Yeah.

Rex: Right. How did that, how did that happen?

Henry: The real stop. Uh, came from a friend that I was in high [00:30:00] school with, I, I just got the shingles.

I was actually in a hotel for a week. I don't know how I got the money to get a hotel for a week. And, um, uh, when I was in that hotel, a friend of mine from high school hit me up and said, Hey, I'm renting this house in West Seattle. And I was wondering if you want to move in with me, it's only going to cost you 250 a month.

I'm never gonna be there. It's this huge farmhouse and every six weeks I want to throw an art party and I want to have you as the main featured artist in the house. And so I lived in this house and I, um, and we did it like we, uh, threw this big art party every six weeks. Every room in this big six bedroom house had a different artist in it.

And we had music and all this stuff and I made enough money to just continue to live there. And then I think 2012 is when I kind of went, I, I had another psychosis, um, and, uh, [00:31:00] my, um, family had really like stepped in at that point and, um, kind of drew the line with me, you know, and just said, if you want to be a member of this family, you got to get your shit together.

And they were willing to remortgage their house to put me into like a six month. Drug facility. And then I didn't, I was like, well, let's not do that. I don't want you guys to go broke. How about I live with, you know, down here away from my social group and I go to AA every day for a year. And so we kind of made this agreement because I kind of understood what a drug treatment was and it's like 12 steps or whatever and that stuff.

And so I was like, let's do the same thing for free. That's what changed my life. You know, I was so tired, I was so exhausted, and I was so ready for, like, I was ready to be done with that. Like, all these, like, little things in my head that wanted me to keep doing it were gone. [00:32:00] None of it made sense. And I could visualize, for the first time in my life, I could visualize the rest of my life without that stuff.

I was actually with my dad, he was golfing and I was driving his golf cart. When I was just sitting in this, looking at this beautiful golf course in Enumclaw, I just had this moment where I realized that I don't have to do any of that stuff that's ruining my life anymore. I'm done. I don't like need to make any of my friends happy.

I don't have to prove anything to anybody. This is my life. From that moment I changed it. And, um, I, uh, still lived in a van after that for a little while. I rented a art studio and I lived in a van outside of it for a while, but it was in a secured fenced area. Um, so it still took me a while until I like really decided to do the housing thing.

Then I have honestly haven't been doing the [00:33:00] housing thing for that long. It's been, Well, it's been a little while, like seven years now or something like that, that I've really like, I want to live in an apartment or something. I want a toilet and I want a shower. You want the coffee maker on the counter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got an air fryer now, I'm big time. Warming up chicken nuggets like a boss.

Rex: When you, when you walked away from all of the drugs, did your art Get redefined in any way

Henry: it did that was the hardest part was when I first got sober It took a good six months Until I was still painting I was still making art But it felt it just didn't have the life that it normally did and it was kind of flat and boring and Not very well articulated like I didn't have the energy.

I was exhausted. I was just went through six months of like I needed to sleep and I needed to, you know, [00:34:00] um, and it was, it was rough. But after that, like adjustment and after I kind of got through that, like six month period of like not getting the dopamine that I needed, I was super depressed. Um, almost, I mean, six months into sobriety, I was considering suicide pretty seriously.

Um, and I remember I would, I'd rather, I remember thinking that like, I would rather kill myself than start using dope again, because it was so hard. Like that life is so hard that it was like, that wasn't the solution. Well, that's, that's a statement right there about how much you don't

Rex: want to be on drugs.

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Henry: It's just such a, like, it's so dangerous. Like scoring that stuff is so dangerous and so scary. You're always scared. You kind of don't like, I remember like, One of the hardest realizations when I really started using heroin was I didn't care if I died, like my will to live kind of went away.[00:35:00]

I remember someone asked me, what if you overdose? I don't care. That would be great. You know, this would all be over. You know, it was that kind of like, that's how intense it is. And you just like, um, you're not trying to not die. You know, you're

Rex: just like, whatever. You know, the crazy thing too about that is, as profound as that is, right, like, I mean, that's, that's like, wow.

If you tell that to somebody that's using it. It's, it's, it's like, there's nothing you can almost say until that person is ready to experience what you experienced, which is I'm not doing that stuff anymore. I'm done with it. Like the thing, like I think you just said that the things that were calling to me before weren't there anymore.

Yeah.

Henry: Right. Yeah. And I could visualize myself having an art career without it, you know, and I, my art career was so tied in with it. Like I was doing a lot of things that included like a very Party level scene kind of thing too. So I didn't think I could have an art [00:36:00] career without it. Like art galleries were tied into going out and drinking together.

And, and then I just remember like having conversations with my parents about that. And you know, I really got vulnerable and opened up just almost for my own survival. I was like, I'm going to kill myself or I got to figure this shit out. So I started really opening up and they're like, none of that's true.

I was like, what, why do you think you don't think you're talented enough to like make a living as a sober artist? And I was like, I never think about it. You know, it didn't occur to me that that is even a possibility. And they're like, a lot of people make a living as an artist that don't do that. Like, what are you talking about?

And I was just like, I don't know what I'm talking about. Like, I thought that that was like a prerequisite to like, Being involved in the scene and doing all this stuff. And it just wasn't, you know, and like, once I kind of got past that, like I didn't kill myself. Actually, I got a life coach [00:37:00] and, um, I started doing this life coach thing and they were, they got me to start thinking about, well, what can you, you know, let's, let's work on a project together.

And I created my first solo show. And so that was like, uh, And I, I got a venue and I made this whole, and I did all the advertising for it. And I did this all through like working with a life coach and, um, pulled it off and I made a bunch of money. I was able to rent a art studio. Just kind of like, I realized I did better.

Sober than I had ever done and then that just kind of juiced it all and it's been, the juice has been on since then, you know, there's not been a moment without the, the, the creative juice on and, and that, uh, confidence

Rex: that I can do it. Gaining the confidence to move forward in life, drug free, [00:38:00] was a game changer for Ryan.

It was a long, hard fought journey getting there, one that included having his family ready and waiting for him with support.

Henry: I see people struggle with homelessness, drug addiction, different things I had, and a lot of times they don't have that element of that strong, like, family fiber that's kind of like Centering.

Yeah, that's been my fortunate part. I think, uh, we can provide that for people that are homeless that don't have that, uh, support network. I think that's like the thing missing for most people is the support network and like If you can kind of get in there and be a support network and contribute, uh, as part of the overarching support network for homeless people in some way, whatever way you can, it's, it's gives people a pathway back.

Rex: I believe that a hundred percent. I think it's, yes, it's housing first. Yes, it's, it's drug rehab beds. Yes, [00:39:00] it's mental health. Right. It's all that, but it. I don't think any of it moves forward unless you have a relationship. Yeah. You've got to have connection. Yeah. With other people. Yeah. That you genuinely be, believe that they are there for you.

Yeah. They're not there for, because it's their job or anything else. They're, they're just there because they see your beauty. And they want you to succeed. Right. Do you have a, do you have something you would tell people that have a negative reaction to? To, to both of those, um, issues. Like, like really have a hard time understanding homelessness, maybe buying into the negative stereotype.

Um, and I'm not trying to paint those people as like somehow, you know, VA or, or anything negative. Really. Just saying that we're all on this journey. Yeah. We're all trying to figure it out. And you have some inside views because you lived it.

Henry: I would, I would just say that like what we have isn't what defines us.

Um, and I don't know how to convince other [00:40:00] people of that, to be honest, we kind of live in a society that's been telling us that from day one that what you have defines you. Um, so it's kind of hard to take this like massive conditioning that we're given and really like break that apart in people's minds.

Um, I don't think I'm capable of doing that, but like I really, I guess how I see Individuals and people is definitely not by what they own. I don't think it shows any value in a person. Um, and we can see it really blatantly obvious with like some of the wealthiest people in the world or, you know, completely corrupt, um, people.

And so it's not like the stuff isn't making them better. You know, um, or happier or happier. Yeah. So like the quality of like a human being or what I value in human beings doesn't have anything to do with their successes or their, you know, any or their failures or anything. It's like, um, we're humans and [00:41:00] we're right here in this moment together and we're all on this.

Journey. And some of us, it doesn't like look as, uh, appealing. Um, but that doesn't mean that that person has any less, uh, character or their story is any less important or, or anything like that, or that they have, you know, um, or they don't have as much to offer you. Like, I don't think people really can understand how much the poor have to offer until they at least start interacting with them.

You know, um, the generosity level of, um, uh, the poor has shown me a lot more generosity than the rich. Um, and so what matters, you know, a generous spirit matters to me. And I, I see that more with poor people in general.

Rex: Um, so I think the, I think the people that are wealthy have that Generous spirit as well.

But I think [00:42:00] the wealth and the possessions distract them to the point that they can't act on it. Yeah. You know, I think it's just so complicated. It gets so complicated that, um, there's almost an in, I mean, I, I don't want to pass judgment on people that are wealthy, right? Right. Yeah. Or group them into a big group.

But I do think. Yeah. I agree with what you're saying in the sense that I, I think possessions and zeros and bank accounts. Um, distract you in a way to forget about what's really important and that's each other.

Henry: Yeah.

Rex: Right.

Henry: Yeah. I mean, if you're busy protecting your stuff, um, that's what you're busy doing.

You know, you got X amount of time and like if a good majority of your time is just caught up in protecting your stuff, then that's what you are. That's what you're doing. So there, there takes some like letting go and there takes some trust and some faith. to really find, uh, our meaning and happiness in life.

I, [00:43:00] I really think like faith is one of the most important things, not so much a faith and anything specific, but just faith in general, like that life is going to work out and that there's something, um, uh, good coming, you know? Um, and that we can act, uh, we don't have to like be so like. of our stuff and our things and, and our, uh, um,

Rex: status.

In talking with Ryan, listening to his life views, I find myself being reminded how very important artists are to our society, to our communities. They take in the world around them with their sensitivities. Often seeing what is missed, and creatively transforming it into their art. Sharing with us ideas, feelings, messages, and more.

All for us to consider. Before finishing my conversation with Ryan, I wanted to hear a bit more about the specifics of his [00:44:00] murals, and the characters he paints. When did the push for murals really start? Because that's how I know you, right? Yeah. You might have a whole bunch of other stuff out there, but really Most, most of Seattle would know you as a muralist.

Henry: Yeah, I think originally it was in my mid twenties, a friend of mine had me paint a, uh, mural in his kid's room. And then I started doing murals for people's kids rooms basically for about a year. And then I lost interest in it because, um, everyone wanted something that wasn't in my style thing. So I hadn't really developed my, um, Confidence to say, Hey, this is the only thing I do.

And then years later, I guess I was 32 when I really launched into my art career in Seattle and started painting murals. And at that point I'd had that experience of being like told what to do and kind of controlled. So I decided to like [00:45:00] really put my art out there in a way that was like, um, My first handful of murals, I didn't charge for them so I could really get my like, um, you know, if I was doing them for free, no one could tell me what to do.

And so then I developed this thing that was like, this is me. If you want me, then you can come get this style instead of like, can you paint a Seahawks helmet in my kid's room or something? You know, um, it's like, no, this is, I, I work with these like

Rex: characters. And on that note, I mean, you have created a cast of characters.

Yeah. Right. And can you tell me a little bit about, cause I would imagine after this many years, like there's a number of them that are probably seriously good friends of yours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Like you're, you know, Murphy and Cosmos, those, those must be good buddies. Yeah,

Henry: definitely. Yeah. There's so much history with them and so much development over time.

Um, and so [00:46:00] much personality that kind of comes through. Um, originally when I really started like, um, applying my painting process to characters, I was using stuffed animals from my childhood memory. Um, and so one of them was this blue elephant and I, um, just decided to stick with this one image and painted a bunch of times.

And this was in my, um, mid twenties. And then I would. Kind of stumble into another character. Maybe it was the goat mountain goat, and I would just paint it a bunch of different times And instead of trying to come up with a new idea to paint just like really working over one idea a lot and then they kind of became like these staple characters in my like life and I just kept adding to those characters

Rex: and Yeah, and changing how they interact and yeah, yeah, how many murals do you think there are in Seattle now?

Henry: I have done in my career, I've [00:47:00] done around 600 murals. Um, I would say half of them have been outside. Half of them have been inside. And maybe over a hundred, a little over a hundred of them are out of town. So I'd say like 500 total in Seattle to 250 inside, 250 outside would be my like, um, how it would break

Rex: down.

Yeah. And a good share of those. Probably you're concentrated in Ballard, Fremont.

Henry: Yeah, the original place I started was Fremont and Ballard. That was really like, um, my home turf where I was living. And where I had my first gallery was in Fremont. And that was just kind of where I set up base and worked out from there.

But at this point I would say they're just kind of everywhere. What do you think people feel when they go past your paintings? Um, well, I get feedback, so, um, people tell me, and I would say a majority of feedback is positive. [00:48:00] Most people, I hear that it brings them joy. And that's the word I hear the most in response to my work is joy.

That's the one word that like, Really like, um, I would say if all the words that I get feedback on that would be the number one word. I think for the most part it inspires joy, uh, childhood wonder, and um, inspires people to be more creative and to think. A little bit more, uh, about the potential of what they can accomplish in life.

Rex: I know for myself, Joey is a perfect word. My experience is, every time I see one of your murals, especially a new one that I haven't seen before, like it crops up where I go into a place that I haven't been, and there's a, there's a Henry, right? It just makes me smile. Yeah. It just makes me happy. I am like.

That's cool. Yeah. It's beautiful. And I like, this is just, you know, just me personally, maybe it's [00:49:00] partly because I grew up in this city and I love Seattle, but I love, I love the vibe it gives Seattle. Yeah. Like, like it, like it's, it feels right. You know, it's not trying to be to this or to that. It's just really simply saying, you know, Hey.

Take it easy, man. It's going to be okay. And these, these characters are, are, they're fun.

Henry: Yeah. Yeah. I try to like bring my sense of humor to my work, you know, and also like complex human emotions to the, to the work. You know, there's, um, I pointed out to somebody, they're like, wow, your stuff is so happy.

Like, and I was like, why do you think that none of them have smiles? There's not like, there's not like, I'm not painting smiles on things. I'm not painting like bright, happy eyes. Like, um, yeah. So like, um, so there's like a complexity, like. Um, that I think draws me to need to make art [00:50:00] is this, these complex emotions that like, you know, the desire to be happy.

But like, maybe I'm not, or like maybe I'm experiencing two feelings at once, you know, maybe I'm feeling guilt and feeling, um, a sense of serenity and peace about that or something, you know, like, it's not like always like one feeling, like as you get older, as, as we age, we kind of like, um, Start having those experiences where it's not as like, um, quite as simple as it was.

You

Rex: can hold multiple emotions in within you at the same time and, and be okay with that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Anything else you want to share that's important to you? You, you, you have a place in our community that people love.

Henry: Yeah. Yeah. I guess, I guess one thing I want to share is just kind of about this project I'm getting started on.

I'm doing a, uh, where I'm painting a thousand sasquatches on people's garage doors. [00:51:00] And it, and the reason I want to do the project is because I, um, there, there is some self selfish, self absorbed kind of like thing about it, where I want to like, I enjoy painting a certain size, and I enjoy the like, repetitive nature of painting, um, one character over and over and over again.

It's like, there's something that satisfies a part of my being doing that. So the whole thing feels good for me to do, but then like, The more I've been kind of, it's been happening. I haven't started the project yet, but I have people signing up. So I have like 200 people signed up for it right now. And I'm just starting to see that, like, this is going to be connecting.

This is going to help connect people. And it's like, in the same way that like, And it's, there's a bit of, you know, like every, like, let's say during a Seahawks game, everybody's out wearing their Seahawks shirt. We're all, all those people have a feeling of [00:52:00] connection. Yeah. We're tribal. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a tribal experience.

And like, not everybody's into wearing the Seahawks jersey, but you can still have this kind of tribal experience of getting a Sasquatch painted on your thing. And you like, that is another, like just, Um, community connector, you know, and so

Rex: like, I really love it the moment you explained it that way, because I've heard you talk, not heard you talk, but I've heard about this painting, the Sasquatch on a thousand thousand, uh, portraits, uh, but the way you just explained it, like, that's beautiful.

Yeah, that's really, and I can feel it like, Oh, you have a sat, really? You have one? We do too.

Henry: Yeah. And I've, and I've seen that just happen with my murals. And there's like, There's so much. Um, I, I always kinda relate to the, uh, the raven and, uh, the, the local native mythology. 'cause it's like this kind of self-centered being, this character who's kind of like trying to do selfish things and then he like bumps into something and stumbles and [00:53:00] then it, like cr, this act of creation happens.

Light that all, all of day is invented and all of night is invented because he like bump, you know, he captures all the darkness and tries flying away and bumps into a tree cause he can't see where he's going, you know, and I feel like that character a lot where I'm trying to do these things that. Just they're pretty self absorbed feeling and then like you do them and then there's all sudden the community is having this like experience with it.

That's like, that wasn't my intention, but I'll, I'll, I'll go with that. You know, like, yeah, I'm bringing joy and happiness to people. I was just trying to like make a living as an artist or I was just trying to do this thing I thought was funny and fun, like, um, that felt good. Um, and so like, uh, I always try to encourage artists to like.

Um, to own that, I think you have to like own what your, your selfish motivation is and then, um, take that and do it. Um, and then [00:54:00] just observe the outcome of how that affects people positively and kind of go with it.

Rex: Yeah. I think that's. Part of the creative process, right? Like, can you pivot with it?

Henry: Yeah.

Rex: You know, are you going to just stay right on it regardless? Yeah. And

Henry: then once you get a platform, what are you going to do with that? Like, I kind of have a platform now. Um, I've, I guess, become more well known. And, uh, you know, there's this like, Delist celebrity status I have now or something, you know, that's like the equivalent to like a weatherman or something.

Um, like if you're on TV, people know you and then like, what are you going to do with that? Like, are you going to like, um, like I'm, I'm known. So like, what am I going to do with that? That's like the question it's like, um, that I asked myself. And so I, I kind of bring it back to my value system and constantly doing that as I think a very healthy approach to, to living, you know,

Rex: to living and evolving.

Yeah.

Recently I was,

Henry: I was up in [00:55:00] Bellingham and I was, I was doing this event up there and, um, this person approached me and they were a person whose job, their job is to make sure that no stickers exist in Bellingham on things. Um, they have this big area where they have to take down anything that's a sticker.

And, um, he came up to me, he's like, I know who you are. I've been taking your stickers down for 20 years. And, um, and he goes, I just want to, if you don't mind, I want to ask you a question. It was a very civil, like civil discussion. And he was like, I don't, I really don't understand why you do that. Like it's, it's a kind of like, I see it as a nuisance and it is really bothersome.

And, um, and you know, I do this job because I like it cause I want to keep the Bellingham clean or whatever.

Rex: Yeah.

Henry: And I said, well, I had a point in my life where Um, those messages out there helped me out a lot and say, you know, help save me in different [00:56:00] situations. Like I repeatedly saw this, um, this Buffalo with a halo that Starhead boy was putting up.

I didn't know who that was at the time, but I remember like seeing that and feeling inspired. And like, it was the only thing in Bellingham that inspired me at the time, you know? And so I'm putting these things up because there's someone walking around that's miserable and if they see this happy little Sasquatch, it might change their day.

And he's like, I never thought about it that way. And it never even occurred to him that what I was doing was with intention to make a positive in somebody else's life. And that's really the reason I do it. Like I'm putting out these like little dots of love everywhere. I love putting stickers on the back of stop signs, you know, like, or wherever, like hiding them.

It's like little Easter eggs all over the city is because there's people walking around in the city and there's like, there's moments in people's lives where they're in crisis. And like sometimes the littlest thing changes everything for them, you [00:57:00] know? And, uh, I think that is more important than keeping.

Um, you know, whatever city free from

Rex: freedom of expression.

I can say one thing. I'm glad I live in a city where you're expressing your art. Thank you. I really, really, truly mean that every single time I see one of your murals, I just go, yep. That's a happy little girl that makes me smile.

Henry: Yeah. And you know, and when I get negative feedback, I think about that. Like I, like someone, you know, the, there's a lot of times where people don't like the artwork that I'm making, or they say things about it that they don't like.

But like, I always think about like that five year old that like, it's like inspiring their dreams. And like, I don't really I don't care if that person doesn't like it because I know that it's, like, touching the right people's

Rex: lives. You Know Me Now is [00:58:00] a project under the non profit Facing Homelessness.

It is produced, written, and edited by Tomasz Bernatski and me, Rex Holbein. Please come visit us on our very active Facebook pages, Facing Homelessness and You Know Me Now, where you can join in on the conversation. I want to end by giving a heartfelt thank you to Ryan for beautifying our city with his murals that bring joy to so many.

And I also want to give gratitude to all of you for listening. Thank you.